The Great Hunt for Non-Alcoholic Wine

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My mother-in-law once told me a story about going to a restaurant high in the hills of rural California, and not seeing a wine list, asking what kinds of wine they have. The waitress, with nary a smile on her face, put her hand on her hip and said, “Honey, we got red, white and pink.

Those are the options I find myself limited to on my Great Hunt for Non-Alcoholic Wine.

I really like wine. There are days when I just want to curl up on the couch, sip a glass of oaky cabernet or fruity pinot noir and turn off my mind. Being pregnant, my wine-sipping days are on hold, although I do occasionally indulge in a half-glass on especially trying days. But I’ve tried substituting my drink of choice with more baby-friendly alternatives. I’ve tried tea, and as much as I like it, I haven’t found one that really gives me the same stress-melting feeling as wine. I really like warm soy milk to unwind, and that comes pretty close to what I’m looking for in my glass of wine. But soy milk is heavy and after a full mug of it, I’m just full.

So I decided to go on a hunt for non-alcoholic wine. I know they make it, and if O’Doul’s can make non-alcoholic beer taste decent, there must be a winemaker somewhere in the world that has figured out how to make good wine sans the alcohol.I was wrong. So far the only choice I’ve found is Fre by Sutter Home, and it comes in three stunning “flavors”: red, white and pink.

I gave the red (they call it merlot, but I cringe giving it that much credit) a try last night and quickly realized my hunt would be much harder than anticipated. It tasted like grape juice and vinegar mixed with a little sugar. It was so bad, it may have temporarily put me off wine altogether. Hey, maybe they’re onto something there! Rehab centers could serve it to bonafide winos and it would cure them of their desire for any purple liquids for at least the next year. They could go back for annual treatments and never touch another drop.

But I’m not giving up that easily. Grocery stores seem to only carry Fre, so my next stop is World Market and then Ben’s Fine Wine and Liquor. I think Ben’s is only a local chain and it carries a lot of obscure wines in addition to a great stock of the regular grocery-store varieties. If you can’t find it at Ben’s, it probably doesn’t exist. However, if Ben’s lets me down, I might venture to a larger urban area to BevMo (Beverages and More), a true power-house in everything liquid and ingestible.

Here’s to my Great Hunt for Non-Alcoholic Wine!

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